NFL Update: Week 5

So the NFL has entered its fifth week, or more, has more crawled into it. I don't know if is just me, but the overall quality of competition seems way down. Too many blow-outs and too little good play. This is the first year in awhile I can remember in which the overall field was this awful. Patriots look good, possibly the Seahawks, and maybe the Vikings. The rest seem unable to rise above expectations.

Speaking of not meeting expectations; goddamn the Panthers look terrible. It seems the past two years of the franchise were a mere dream. Its defense has gone from a shining example of excellence to being a sad, wet fart. I mean this team just cannot get out of its own way to win games. The Falcons offense destroyed 'em for over 500 yards of offense and Newton decides to play with so little caution that he turns his brain into Jell-O and makes the Panther's call up infamous former Brown's QB Derek Anderson to help them right the ship. Good luck with that.

That look you make when that 7-9 playoff season 3 years ago seems pretty good right now

Another team that deserves mentions is the Browns. Is it because they are awful? No. That is nothing new. They have been miserable to watch but this was supposed to be the year they started to turn it all around. The media was filled with claims that the Browns could be dangerous this year. They praised their hires, sung the songs of their new offensive look, and bowed before the miracle of the post-Manziel era. Well, now the Browns are on their 4th QB of the season and the only upside is Terrelle Pryor is playing a style of football that died around the time Eisenhower did. So much for the hype.

Recommended watching: A History of Bad Football: The Cleveland Browns. This will make all the media hype surrounding the Browns this past offseason look even more ridiculous.

When it comes to the broadcasting, it is awful like usual. However, in some ways, it is worse. The new ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown crew is utterly terrible overall. Matt Hasselbeck and Trent Dilfer lack any personality and seem to only serve as dry counterparts to the otherwise exciting duo of Charles Woodson and Randy Moss. Oh and the replacement for Mike Tirico in the booth for Monday Night Football is terrible as well. His commentary lacks Tirico's wit and passion. Whereas Tirico served as a foil to Gruden, the new guy's relationship with Gruden resembles more a paddle ball toy. Gruden's Beautiful Mind level obsession with numbers bouncing off of this old, pasty white dude. Its atrocious. 

Lets hope the return of Tom Brady brings peace to the football world.

Oh and one note on College Football:

To hell with this annoying ad campaign.

College Football Week 2

I don't really want to talk about any particular game or anything else like that (there were some good games) but I would like to give a shout-out to the NCAA.

Unlike in years prior, the first two weeks of games for the College Football season have been much more exciting than in years prior. Traditionally, these first two weeks usually see the top powers in the College scene play the bottom rungs of the collegiate ranks and massacre them in 30, 40, 50 or more point wins. Usually there is no excitement or intrigue.

This year has been different, there have been more quality match-ups and this has led to excitement across the sport. This makes me happy.

Just a quick note.

First Game of the Year

Pregame:

As usual, the pregame before the first NFL match up of the year was bland, inoffensive, and lifeless. I don't know why this is, but every year they always find a way to make the pregame festivities make me want to gouge my eyes out.

I mean you had a full slate of boring: lifeless talking heads gathering for their NFL circlejerk, random bands that are only famous with boring 40 year olds, and rehashes of player's personal stories that you will hear over and over and over again over the course of the season. I will say, it does make me hope and pray the game begins soon so I guess it does an adequate job getting me psyched for the start of the game. Kudos NFL.

And oh my God the first band they had "perform" was atrocious. I need to talk about this. They were some forgettable Country-Rock group, whose name I forgot about 2 minutes after they finished, and they played a song called "Freedom." Holy shit, this song sucked. It was a mindless drivel about how the world wanted FREEDOM so bad and how FREEDOM is great and FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM. The songs lyrics lacked any sort of thought and it replaced it with blind jingoist patriotism.

I know, I know that the 15th anniversary of 9/11 is this Sunday so I should have my giant FREEDOM ERECTION on full display, but can we at least have GOOD songs about America? Songs that actually go in-depth and have meaning, not just some guy with cowboy boots and a stupid gel-ed haircut yelling FREEDOM into a mic for 3 and half minutes.

One Republic played as well, a band with no fans I have ever met. They weren't as bad but were still completely forgettable.

Oh and the product placement was in full force. It isn't football without blatant and pointless product placement. Did you know Microsoft has a new computer out? Do you wanna see one of the commentators awkwardly try and use it to describe a play, all the while looking at it like its a shiny space rock? No? Well fuck you then. This is the NFL!!!

...cause that's how real people hold a computer

A comment:

I thank Colin Kaepernick for his fearless protest of police brutality by sitting during the National Anthem. I mean its not because its a noble cause (it is) but because now the National Anthem is finally interesting. Instead of getting up to get a drink or check my phone, I was giddily looking to see if anyone was sitting. One player was (Brandon Marshall, a linebacker for Denver) and this made me happy. I'm sure this type of protest will continue to garner drama for most of the season (I don't see America healing 300 years of wounds in 4 months) and for that, thank you Kaepernick.

The Game Itself

It was a great intro to the NFL season. This game came down to the wire and had an exciting finish.

The Broncos looked like shit the first half. I mean Trevor Siemian did not look truly comfortable with that offense in the beginning. He was getting a few small pass completions here and there, but overall he looked like a little boy trying to fill daddy Peyton's shoes. The offense in general was simply not clicking. I was surprised they scored at all in that first half. I mean everytime they got into a rhythm, they would either fumble or Siemian would throw an ugly interception. It was terrible to watch. I was worried Carolina would run away with this game and it would be a snoozefest in the second half.

Denver came back though and showed why they were the champions. They also found their secret weapon: blatant illegal hits on the QB! The Denver defense truly stepped up in the 2nd half by playing dirty. There were at least two uncalled helmet-to-helmet hits on Newton (one so blatant it looked like targeting) and some blatant holds. It was at its worst in the 3rd, with seemingly every other play having a missed penalty. The officiating was shit and Denver exploited it. Siemian (I'm so tempted to just call him Semen) looked a little better but was, at his best, an average quarterback. This was enough however to topple the Panthers when the final whistle blew.

Speaking of Carolina, it was the reverse for them. Newton and company looked great in that first half. They built a 17-7 lead going into halftime. Kelvin Benjamin, back in his first game in over a year due to an ACL injury, looked unstoppable and both offense and defense held the Broncos at bay for all the first 30 minutes of the game.

However, those illegal hits I mentioned earlier seemed to add up toward the end of the 3rd quarter. Newton was limping on the sidelines and his passing grew increasingly inaccurate. He began to look like an escaped nursing home patient, not the 2015 NFL MVP. The thin air didn't look like it was helping either, with players on the sideline huffing on oxygen to stay conscious. They looked tired and beat toward the end. Even with all these things going against them, Newton managed to work the offense down the field for a final field goal attempt. It was wide left.

In essence, both teams looked awful at different points in the game. However, Denver was less awful.

Thank goodness football is back. Baseball sucks.

That First Sunday...

This coming Thursday, the NFL season is almost here. College football just recently had one of the most exciting opening weeks in recent memory. All in all, this is probably one of my favorite times of the year. The grand human carnival is here.

As the season approaches, I not only look forward to the one the field drama but also the human drama of the season. Stories of hardship, determination, and stupidity are coming with the oncoming football season. I do not just go into a football season looking forward to the wins and losses, but the unbelievable stories of the players themselves.

This blog will talk about both. I love football and I love what it is all about.

My pick for the Thursday night game:

Broncos win: 23-17